February 6th, 2010: Hobbly's Heroes at Hell's Pit Warplocks

Hello, sports fans, and welcome to today’s matchup! Today we get to see the humans, Hobbly’s Heroes take on the skaven , Hell’s Pit Warplocks. There are reportedly 31,000 fans taking in today’s game, with skaven fans slightly outnumbering the human fans. In the past, we’ve noticed that the human fans don’t like getting gnawed on every time the skaven score.

The weather is fine, though there are reports of a storm heading this way. Hobbly has won the coin toss and has elected to kick off.

One person conspicuously absent at the moment is Hobbly’s rookie catcher, Jimmy Fisher. The correspondent on the sideline says that Jimmy hasn’t come out of the bathroom yet. It must be a case of rookie jitters. Coach Roger is pounding on the bathroom door now while his team lines up to kick.

The kick is a touchback and the Warplocks will start with the ball in the hands of a fast gutter runner.

Oooo! Skaven Skreet, the one who may or may not have scored that touchdown last game, depending on who you listen to, has started the team’s first drive with a bang. This bang could be felt all the way to the top of the stands. It was most seriously felt by Hobbly’s Arnon Metalsmith, who appears to be hurt. I don’t expect we’ll see him for the rest of the game.

Hobbly retaliates on their turn by stripping the ball from the skaven gutter runner! The ball is now in the hands of Hobbly’s emerging star catcher, Frederick Trapper, and he’s surrounded by his teammates as he starts to head down the field.

The skaven are not happy at this turn of events. Hassz the Grey is charging Frederick, but slams into the rookie blitzer Spencer Hunter instead. And Spencer is down! He’s not getting up. Spencer is out cold! There’s just something about those Hobbly rookies today that’s keeping them off the field.

Spencer is carted to the dugout, and Hobbly begins the drive again. Frederick is surrounded by his teammates, but they are surrounded by skaven.

What is this? Frederick Trapper has suddenly…bounced…over the heads of the defenders in front of him, landing almost directly in front of the end zone! That was some agile work to land on his feet! Frederick runs unimpeded into the end zone! Touchdown Heroes!

Let’s look at that bounce again. If you look closely, you can see some sort of trampoline set into the ground. That’s what vaults him over everyone’s head. I don’t know how Hobbly managed to plant that on the Warplock’s field before the game, but they are lucky the refs didn’t see. Who agreed to let the mole umpires work this game, anyway?

One thing you may not have noticed after the touchdown is that Hobbly’s experienced thrower, Jorge Farmer took off to the bathroom. He practically through Jimmy out! Jimmy is now returning to Hobbly’s sidelines. Maybe something else is going on with Hobbly and it’s not just a case of rookie jitters.

Now we have another Hobbly kickoff, and a bunch of vermin swarming the ball. They have picked up the ball and gotten it into the hands of Rakk Cartdodger. Let’s see if he’s as adept at dodging Hobblytes.

Rakk is working his way down the field. He’s going. He’s still going! And Rakk Cartdodger gets a touchdown for the Warplocks! I don’t know where Hobbly’s defense was on that drive, but Rakk was mostly unimpeded.

I’ve decided to keep an eye on the bathroom during turnovers, and it looks like Jimmy is heading back in. Jorge is staying. Something is definitely going on with the Hobbly team. I’ll try to find out more.

We’re nearing the end of the first half with the Warplocks kicking off to the Heroes. The rats kick the ball and head down the field. Olg Ballspiker, the Warplock rat-ogre is on a tear down the field. Ohhh! Olg ran into the Hobbly lineman Geary Miller. Miller is not looking good. I don’t think human necks were meant to bend that way. I think Geary is now facing backward, looking to kiss this and the next game goodbye. That’s going to leave a mark on the Hero.

Hobbly’s Paris the Sassy, a veteran quarterback, picks up the kick off. He’s running right. He stops. He throws a completion to Frederick Trapper! Fred is now running up to get behind was wall of blockers. One of his blockers, Lewis Foolsgold, just threw a great block on Belig the Clawer! Belig is going to be out the rest of the game from the looks of that hit.

Frederick Trapper is not able to reach the end zone before the half ends. It stands now a 1 – 1 tie as the teams head into the locker room. I’ll get an update on Jimmy and Jorge and get back to you, folks.

-Second Half-

It looks like Jorge Farmer will start the second half right where he left it: in the bathroom. Hobbly’s head coach is claiming that the Warplock coach cast a spell or poisoned his men’s food. Reportedly Jorje and Jimmy have had the runs all morning, and not from running down the blood bowl pitch. The Warplocks coach is denying involvement without Hobbly putting up some proof.

The Warplocks are now kicking off the Hobbly to start the second half. The kick is up. It’s heading toward Paris the Sassy, Hobbly’s one thrower so far this game. Paris catches the kickoff. He heads up the right side of the field again. One of his lineman, Grendle Ironbar, throws a block. Ouch! Skreet, the skaven with a dubious memory, is down! And he’s not getting up. That hit might have knocked him out for the rest of the game.

Paris lines up and throws the ball to veteran catcher Joe Ratcatcher. Joe catches the ball. He’s running…running…running…touchdown Heroes! That must have been some pep talk at halftime! The score is now 2 – 1, Hobbly.

Speaking of pep talks, Jimmy is heading back to the bathroom. Someone should have thought to stock some bismol in the apothecary. Good new s for Hobbly is that Jorje Farmer is coming back out. He looks a little pale, but he’s signaling he’s ready to go.

Here’s the Hobbly kickoff. The Warplocks pick the ball up near the midline. There’s some battling back and forth. Human blitzer York Surestrick has knocked Yurt the Clanless unconscious. The Warplocks have had the ball knocked out of their hands. Hobbly is now in possession of the ball. Frederick Trapper is once again taking the ball toward the end zone. And Frederick is in for another touchdown. It has been all Hobbly since the half, folks. Hobbly now leads 3 – 1.

Hobbly kicks off the ball and charges down the field. Human Blitzer LT is charging. And he had hit Rakk Cartdodger! Rakk is down. He’s out cold. The crowd is going wild. Skaven are charging the pitch and the humans are trying to stop them. Fans are on the field. It’s officially a riot!

Consider this game over, folks. The fans are rioting in the last moments. The Warplocks have no chance of winning. I’m going to get out there before there’s nobody left to punch. This is Johann the Madd signing off!

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